just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
