We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
