My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
