do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
