My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
