I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
