Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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