I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
