please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
