Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
