I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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