every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
