I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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