its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
