sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
