Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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