You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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