fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
is it fun? or sober?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
