you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize