Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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