I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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