Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize