Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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