Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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