just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
