Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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