I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
