NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize