She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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