i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize