You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize