Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
