How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
