Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
