her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
