i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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