Sponge bath it is.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
