Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize