Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize