John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
