kristin has been a bad kristin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
