btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
