I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
