I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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