Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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