I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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