Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
