I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
