epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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