and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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