We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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