I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
