My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
