we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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