Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
