I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
