I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
