I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
