Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
