i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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