ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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