Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
