Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
