She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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