life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
