Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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