is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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