im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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