thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I deserve to be covered in dicks
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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