that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
