I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
